"As to the Lord"

We finished our S.O.S. Ephesians study this morning.

That is the Bible study I host at the cafe on Tuesday mornings (I don't lead it; this lady named Susan does. I just play hostess, making scones & coffee, etc. for the small crowd of older women who come).

Right before starting that study we had just finished a sermon series, coincidentally, on Ephesians at church.

A few months before that, God gave me still deeper understanding of submission to my husband.

And recently God has been rocking my understanding of submission to my boss.

Get this: In Ephesians (& elsewhere in the New Testament), I am told to submit to both my husband and my boss...
 (wait for it...)
...as to the Lord.

Regardless of whether they're being obedient to God.


But the zinger is the "as-to-the-Lord" part.

Doesn't that mess with your mind a little?

It does mine. But in an exciting way. I get excited about stuff in the Bible that seems really counter-cultural. Almost because I'm told to be deviant. I feel like "submission" is a swear word, kind of.

It excites me because it's deviant and it's simpler.

I mean, it's super-hard to submit when your husband or boss is doing stuff they should not be doing, or not doing stuff they should be doing. That's for sure. BUT, it's simpler not carrying around all that disgruntled-mind-always-churning-about-how-and-why-things-should-change. I'm responsible before God for one thing: submit as to the Lord. They're responsible for the running of things in a way that pleases God and treating me really well. Their assignment seems a lot more complex & heavy.

(Well, and I know that because I'm a boss, so I'm on the other end of it in other relationships.)

But in my relationships with my boss & husband, my end is honestly pretty simple & reaps GREAT reward. So for the joy set before me, it's easy to do.

And any opportunity I get to be on the somehow submissive/humbler end of a relationship, I love it because it's what Jesus did. That he chose to come down from glory & lower himself to wash the dirt off our ungrateful, lazy, foolish, arrogant feet... wow. And I have these clear, straightforward opportunities to be like him in that! It's almost unfair.

Man, do I sound sarcastic when I say these things? Because I'm totally sincere! I love it!

My eyes have been opened to it in a new way recently. It's blowing my mind & I love it. Another paradox of this life of faith: in submission there is freedom & joy. We know that's true with submission to God...then he goes and tells us that we're to do it with husbands & bosses, as if we're submitting to him!

I feel deviant. In a really right way.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Now that I'm Twittering, I find myself having the desire to share more than 140 characters on a regular basis. Will this mean blogging again? Perhaps.

I am finding over and over that while I have many interests, I have only one passion. I may get into something for a while, but I eventually see that I am nothing; that all pursuits of my flesh are worthless at best, and terrifying at worst.

I'm at Coffee Fest and it's really cool. And this is my trade. I want to develop my skills & knowledge. I want to do it well. But this will never be my consuming passion.

In my job I want to put out a quality, consistent product, have great customer service, a happy, hardworking, competent staff, and grow the business. But none of those things are my consuming passion.

I'm afraid I have gotten to the point in my journey where I am hopelessly lost in him. The idea of loving anything more than him, of pursuing anything more than  him ... kind of terrifies me. All I have to offer to anyone...is him. Nothing makes sense but his way. I can comprehend other ways, but they seem desperately futile.

If I were to leave him, I would have to relearn how to live. I know nothing outside of him anymore.

I am in him.

Whichever way you're going, you choose it & you work for it, till you are doing it without even trying. Till you're a slave to it.

I am his slave.

And I love it. And he is my consuming passion. Nothing else can ever satisfy me.

And where I used to say that as a desire, I say it now as a reality. Even when I try to find satisfaction elsewhere, I can't.

I think this is something like maturity. I am utterly consumed.

A post on Donald Miller's blog.

Having Right Theology Does not Mean You Know God.

Update: I left a comment on that post.

I'm tired.

One more work day to push through.
I'm doing the cafe's finances from last week today.
It was a great week financially.
We needed it.
Praise God.
It's all his.

I want to take more walks in the sun, in green places.
I want to have more fun.

Is this what abiding is?

This living, breathing organism
That I'm managing
Cafe Aroma
How am I doing this
How am I the leader of this

I'm working really hard
And really well

So much goes on every day
Such diverse things
Such important things
(And such inconsequential things)
And I'm responsible for the running of it
And I'm not really stressed about it
(Anymore
Since I've died to myself in it
My success & failure isn't wrapped up in the cafe's success & failure)
I'm just handling it
Handling all this crazy stuff
Relatively easily

There are always improvements to be made
And improvements are always being made
But progress
Has been nonstop
Since I started managing this

It's just weird for me to
Own
Embrace
Connect
My role
In this living, breathing organism
That I'm managing

Some lines that aren't necessarily directly related.

Wanted to draw attention to some posts in my blogging community:

"Untitled" by nataliemma

and

"God's Teeter-Totter" by David and Jessica.

I. Love. Community.
(And I say that bearing in mind the pain & ugliness that comes along with it.)

I love being a learner.
But I also have this strong impression that, "the seed I've received I will sow."
Someday.

I want to walk humbly.

I've recently gone a step further into losing my life to find it.
I've died to some major things in my life.
And oh, it feels good.

Also,
"in quietness & confidence shall be your strength."

That was the typical verse on those name bookmarks that people buy you from Christian bookstores.
It's almost maddening to wonder how they nailed you.
Like the description of you based on your birth year you find on the placemats at Chinese restaurants.

The dual life.

Let my arduous efforts be kept in the secret spirit places.


Let the natural then flow.  Effortlessly.

A new way of thinking about the Sabbath.

dormant

"in a condition of biological rest or suspended animation"

That strikes me as really beautiful.

Some lines about how I'm doing right now.

starting to find some balance

I forgot how much pacing aids my prayers

things got pretty dark last week

but they needed to

keith just walked in

how can one person make me so happy

This Is Much Earlier Than I've Been Getting Up As of Late: A Haiku.

At the coffee shop

proud that I have gotten here

somehow this morning