Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Now that I'm Twittering, I find myself having the desire to share more than 140 characters on a regular basis. Will this mean blogging again? Perhaps.

I am finding over and over that while I have many interests, I have only one passion. I may get into something for a while, but I eventually see that I am nothing; that all pursuits of my flesh are worthless at best, and terrifying at worst.

I'm at Coffee Fest and it's really cool. And this is my trade. I want to develop my skills & knowledge. I want to do it well. But this will never be my consuming passion.

In my job I want to put out a quality, consistent product, have great customer service, a happy, hardworking, competent staff, and grow the business. But none of those things are my consuming passion.

I'm afraid I have gotten to the point in my journey where I am hopelessly lost in him. The idea of loving anything more than him, of pursuing anything more than  him ... kind of terrifies me. All I have to offer to anyone...is him. Nothing makes sense but his way. I can comprehend other ways, but they seem desperately futile.

If I were to leave him, I would have to relearn how to live. I know nothing outside of him anymore.

I am in him.

Whichever way you're going, you choose it & you work for it, till you are doing it without even trying. Till you're a slave to it.

I am his slave.

And I love it. And he is my consuming passion. Nothing else can ever satisfy me.

And where I used to say that as a desire, I say it now as a reality. Even when I try to find satisfaction elsewhere, I can't.

I think this is something like maturity. I am utterly consumed.

A post on Donald Miller's blog.

Having Right Theology Does not Mean You Know God.

Update: I left a comment on that post.

I'm tired.

One more work day to push through.
I'm doing the cafe's finances from last week today.
It was a great week financially.
We needed it.
Praise God.
It's all his.

I want to take more walks in the sun, in green places.
I want to have more fun.

Is this what abiding is?

This living, breathing organism
That I'm managing
Cafe Aroma
How am I doing this
How am I the leader of this

I'm working really hard
And really well

So much goes on every day
Such diverse things
Such important things
(And such inconsequential things)
And I'm responsible for the running of it
And I'm not really stressed about it
(Anymore
Since I've died to myself in it
My success & failure isn't wrapped up in the cafe's success & failure)
I'm just handling it
Handling all this crazy stuff
Relatively easily

There are always improvements to be made
And improvements are always being made
But progress
Has been nonstop
Since I started managing this

It's just weird for me to
Own
Embrace
Connect
My role
In this living, breathing organism
That I'm managing

Some lines that aren't necessarily directly related.

Wanted to draw attention to some posts in my blogging community:

"Untitled" by nataliemma

and

"God's Teeter-Totter" by David and Jessica.

I. Love. Community.
(And I say that bearing in mind the pain & ugliness that comes along with it.)

I love being a learner.
But I also have this strong impression that, "the seed I've received I will sow."
Someday.

I want to walk humbly.

I've recently gone a step further into losing my life to find it.
I've died to some major things in my life.
And oh, it feels good.

Also,
"in quietness & confidence shall be your strength."

That was the typical verse on those name bookmarks that people buy you from Christian bookstores.
It's almost maddening to wonder how they nailed you.
Like the description of you based on your birth year you find on the placemats at Chinese restaurants.

The dual life.

Let my arduous efforts be kept in the secret spirit places.


Let the natural then flow.  Effortlessly.

A new way of thinking about the Sabbath.

dormant

"in a condition of biological rest or suspended animation"

That strikes me as really beautiful.

Some lines about how I'm doing right now.

starting to find some balance

I forgot how much pacing aids my prayers

things got pretty dark last week

but they needed to

keith just walked in

how can one person make me so happy

This Is Much Earlier Than I've Been Getting Up As of Late: A Haiku.

At the coffee shop

proud that I have gotten here

somehow this morning

I looked.

I looked at the pictures of aborted babies.

And I read the Margaret Sanger quotes.