serpents + doves.

"Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you."

2011-12-26T14:46:00.000-06:00

Lately I'm so aware of how the gospel can be offensive.

Part of me really wants to think that if only people could see Jesus for who he truly is, nothing could stop them from loving him. But then I remember that he walked the earth, and people did see him, unhindered, for who he is. And many hated him, and maybe worse, many were apathetic toward him. Even after he rose from the dead. He also assured his followers that people would hate them.

So, who am I to think that if I could only give people a clearer picture of Jesus, they would surely embrace him? I am called to give people a clear picture of Jesus. But I need to let go of my expectations of how they will respond. And I certainly should not measure myself by people's responses.

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do.

2011-12-20T12:52:00.000-06:00

Natalie shared this with me, and I love it:

“Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.” (Ecc 9:10)

“Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do,” refers to works that are possible. There are many things which our heart findeth to do which we never shall do. It is well it is in our heart; but if we would be eminently useful, we must not be content with forming schemes in our heart, and talking of them; we must practically carry out “whatsoever our hand findeth to do.” One good deed is more worth than a thousand brilliant theories. Let us not wait for large opportunities, or for a different kind of work, but do just the things we “find to do” day by day. We have no other time in which to live. The past is gone; the future has not arrived; we never shall have any time but time present. Then do not wait until your experience has ripened into maturity before you attempt to serve God. Endeavour now to bring forth fruit. Serve God now, but be careful as to the way in which you perform what you find to do-”do it with thy might.” Do it promptly; do not fritter away your life in thinking of what you intend to do to-morrow as if that could recompense for the idleness of to-day. No man ever served God by doing things to-morrow. If we honour Christ and are blessed, it is by the things which we do to-day. Whatever you do for Christ throw your whole soul into it. Do not give Christ a little slurred labour, done as a matter of course now and then; but when you do serve him, do it with heart, and soul, and strength.

But where is the might of a Christian? It is not in himself, for he is perfect weakness. His might lieth in the Lord of Hosts. Then let us seek his help; let us proceed with prayer and faith, and when we have done what our “hand findeth to do,” let us wait upon the Lord for his blessing. What we do thus will be well done, and will not fail in its effect.

-Charles Spurgeon

Talking with a visible Someone.

2011-11-22T23:10:00.001-06:00

He had a face that could be looked at.

Eyes you could look into.

Here, on earth.

God with us.

The Word, wrapped up in flesh.

Spiritual refreshment at Harvest.

2011-11-20T18:16:00.001-06:00

Today we are in the Chicago suburbs with Keith's family. We worshiped at Harvest - so edifying. Today's message was about how we have no ability to live the Christian life outside of Christ living his life in us: the Holy Spirit. Here's the intro video from the sermon:

Lord Change Me from Harvest Bible Chapel on Vimeo.

If you're looking for some spiritual refreshment, I would encourage you to check out the entire sermon.

Remembering.

2011-11-16T20:39:00.001-06:00

I just finished reading the story of Gideon. It's full of human nature mixed with God's power. But the book of Judges is making me mad. God delivers Israel over and over again. And they keep whoring after other gods; after wood and stone and metal. After Satan.

They never deserve the deliverance God gives them. And they always forget about it, almost immediately.

I'm so mad about it.

But it's so true. It's so true of the human heart. God is so good to us. And we forget. We whore after other gods. And he waits, patiently. Then we get overtaken, and cry out to him for help. And he delivers us. We say thanks and feel great, then go whoring again. The cycle goes on.

That's why this concept of remembering what God has done is all over the Old Testament. That's how we escape the cycle of Judges. When things are great we remember who is our Deliverer. When things are terrible we remember who is our Deliverer.

We write it on our faces and on the doorposts of our houses so we don't forget. We talk about it when we're at home and when we're out, when we lie down and when we get up. We bind the words on our fingers and around our necks. We write them on the tablets of our hearts. We find the words and we eat them. We eat the scroll. We eat his body. We drink his blood. It's our only alternative to whoring.

An update on our lives in the Natural State.

2011-11-08T17:30:00.001-06:00

The Natural State.

Northwest Arkansas is a neat area. With a population of around a half million it is fairly metropolitan, although most of it is new growth caused by the mega-corporations based here: Walmart, Tyson, and JB Hunt, to name a few. The campus of Ecclesia, where we live and work, feels very rural, but any store, restaurant, or entertainment we could want is within 20 minutes of our house. As you drive down the road you'll pass a strip mall, then a gated community, then cattle in a pasture, then a mobile home, then a chicken farm, then another strip mall - it's all mixed together. So different than Illinois, where the lines between urban, suburban, rural, and small town seemed very defined.

Ecclesia is a tiny college. It was started as a YWAM base in 1975, and got accredited as a four-year college in 2005. There are 105 full-time students taking classes on campus. There are another 45 part-time students, and then about 25 students in the Ecclesia Online program.

Keith and I are so thankful to each have full-time jobs: with the (modest) salaries we're making we should be completely debt-free within a year, if the Lord wills. My official title is Assistant Director of Financial Aid, which was bestowed upon me after working a few weeks, and I take it as an honor (note the absence of to the). However, my boss does the jobs of about seven different people, so while he is available to answer my questions and help me with unique situations, I am essentially running the financial aid office myself.

I'm really enjoying working in an office; the administrator in me who loves order and clarity and organization is blossoming. Clearer boundaries between work and personal life have been a welcomed change. It's not hard to leave financial aid at the office (although, the workaholic in me does try to bring it home from time to time). There are systematic changes that I am hoping to implement in the financial aid process at Ecclesia, but this semester has been about getting through the giant learning curve and keeping my head above water. It's been very challenging/frustrating/overwhelming at times. I've done tons of research and self-training. But, again, I am thankful.

The soccer boys at a rest stop on the way to a game.

Keith has just finished his season as the head coach of the first ever Ecclesia soccer team. He had about two months over the summer to create an entire soccer program from nothing; from recruiting a team, to scheduling games, to finding places to play...everything. With the help of the Lord, he did an incredible job. He made the wise decision to make it a club team instead of a varsity team for the first year, which allowed him to include guys from the surrounding community, as well as students who may not have been eligible or able to commit the time to a varsity team. He has a great team of precious young guys. They pulled out a remarkable four wins their first season ever.

Keith and I are observing some patterns among small organizations. We have a number of frustrations here and are praying through how to deal with them. But we are thankful. And you know what? When I pray for things here, God has been answering speedily. I have to remember that and stay encouraged.

We have become a part of a wonderful church called Mosaic. It's a congregation that meets on Saturday nights, and it falls under the umbrella of Fellowship Bible Church NWA. It is a huge organization that runs in an excellent, strategic fashion, which brings a nice balance to our weeks. Now that the first soccer season is over, we're excited to get more involved in ministries there and join a small group.

I will end it there. Soon I hope to share more specifically about what God has been doing in me these last few months.

Talking with an invisible Someone.

2011-11-04T11:41:00.000-05:00

A quiet time takes faith. To stop all other activities to sit down and have a conversation with an invisible person requires faith.

Is he really real? Does he really speak? Does he really speak to you? When you speak to him does he really hear you? Would he really respond to something you say?

That you can quiet all other noises for the purpose of interacting with this invisible person says something of your faith. Quieting noises to read a book doesn't require much faith. But looking to commune with your invisible friend does indeed.

Be encouraged when you enter into a time of stillness with God. Faith got you there. Act on it. And receive the rewards of that.

"whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." bible.us/Heb11.6.ESV

Popcorn: so hot right now.

2011-10-02T14:54:00.000-05:00

The popcorn business seems out of control. And we have just eaten it up. Why all the ridiculous kitchen appliances? Why all the microwavable varieties in expensive and wasteful packaging? Not to mention paying like $4 for a bag of novelty pre-popped corn at the store?

During all the purging I was doing surrounding our move, I got rid of our "air popper" on the hunch that it was absolutely unnecessary. Man, was I right. All along, all we needed was a pan, some oil, and popcorn kernels. We were in awe last night. We were so excited. We're never going back.

We put the pan on the burner and turned on the heat, poured in some olive oil, poured in enough kernels to cover the bottom, put the lid on and waited. It was magic. Towards the end as the pan filled, the popcorn pushed up the lid a little - classic! I stirred some salt and garlic powder into melted butter and we poured that over the top. It was delicious (even before adding the butter). And I'm very excited to try making different flavors.

Now we have one more item we can buy in bulk and keep stocked in our kitchen (virtually endless shelf life) for an anytime snack that is easy, healthy, cheap, and super fun. Popcorn: what a fantastic idea on God's part.

Consumed. There is no middle ground.

2011-08-30T19:42:00.000-05:00

Back in June I had some things churning in me. I was seriously struggling with something in my life and God ministered to me in that. I had these thoughts about this process that I'm seeing repeated in my life, so I decided to talk out my thoughts in front of my cell phone in a video (maybe a result of Keith being away).

I cut out about 5 minutes from the beginning of the video of me explaining how I tend to get completely consumed by problems - over and over in my life. And God sets me free, but then I end up getting consumed by something else. So, the problem isn't the things that consume me; the problem is me and my willingness to be consumed (as the pattern shows). But God is faithful to heal me and set me free and pull me up out of the pit. And I go on from there to form my main idea:

A beautiful response.

2011-08-18T21:22:00.000-05:00

Beautiful, graceful, honest response by Bill Hybels to Howard Schults, CEO of Starbucks, after Howard canceled his speaking engagement at Willow Creek. This seems so much more Christian than engaging in a cultural war.

Housewarming/Birthday Party: Everyone's invited!

2011-08-16T21:00:00.001-05:00

Hello friends!

We moved to Arkansas this summer! We're renting a house on the campus of Ecclesia College, where we're both working. Keith is the new soccer coach at Ecclesia & Lindsay is working in Financial Aid.

We wanted to open up our home to old friends & new friends to see our new place & celebrate Keith's birthday (8/26). We understand that most of you from back in Illinois won't be able to make it, but we still wanted to extend the invitation. :)

PRESENCE as PRESENTS: no gifts please!

Shalom!

Lindsay & Keith

"As to the Lord"

2011-03-02T01:00:00.001-06:00

We finished our S.O.S. Ephesians study this morning.

That is the Bible study I host at the cafe on Tuesday mornings (I don't lead it; this lady named Susan does. I just play hostess, making scones & coffee, etc. for the small crowd of older women who come).

Right before starting that study we had just finished a sermon series, coincidentally, on Ephesians at church.

A few months before that, God gave me still deeper understanding of submission to my husband.

And recently God has been rocking my understanding of submission to my boss.

Get this: In Ephesians (& elsewhere in the New Testament), I am told to submit to both my husband and my boss...
(wait for it...)
...as to the Lord.

Regardless of whether they're being obedient to God.

But the zinger is the "as-to-the-Lord" part.

Doesn't that mess with your mind a little?

It does mine. But in an exciting way. I get excited about stuff in the Bible that seems really counter-cultural. Almost because I'm told to be deviant. I feel like "submission" is a swear word, kind of.

It excites me because it's deviant and it's simpler.

I mean, it's super-hard to submit when your husband or boss is doing stuff they should not be doing, or not doing stuff they should be doing. That's for sure. BUT, it's simpler not carrying around all that disgruntled-mind-always-churning-about-how-and-why-things-should-change. I'm responsible before God for one thing: submit as to the Lord. They're responsible for the running of things in a way that pleases God and treating me really well. Their assignment seems a lot more complex & heavy.

(Well, and I know that because I'm a boss, so I'm on the other end of it in other relationships.)

But in my relationships with my boss & husband, my end is honestly pretty simple & reaps GREAT reward. So for the joy set before me, it's easy to do.

And any opportunity I get to be on the somehow submissive/humbler end of a relationship, I love it because it's what Jesus did. That he chose to come down from glory & lower himself to wash the dirt off our ungrateful, lazy, foolish, arrogant feet... wow. And I have these clear, straightforward opportunities to be like him in that! It's almost unfair.

Man, do I sound sarcastic when I say these things? Because I'm totally sincere! I love it!

My eyes have been opened to it in a new way recently. It's blowing my mind & I love it. Another paradox of this life of faith: in submission there is freedom & joy. We know that's true with submission to God...then he goes and tells us that we're to do it with husbands & bosses, as if we're submitting to him!

I feel deviant. In a really right way.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life."

2011-02-19T00:05:00.001-06:00

Now that I'm Twittering, I find myself having the desire to share more than 140 characters on a regular basis. Will this mean blogging again? Perhaps.

I am finding over and over that while I have many interests, I have only one passion. I may get into something for a while, but I eventually see that I am nothing; that all pursuits of my flesh are worthless at best, and terrifying at worst.

I'm at Coffee Fest and it's really cool. And this is my trade. I want to develop my skills & knowledge. I want to do it well. But this will never be my consuming passion.

In my job I want to put out a quality, consistent product, have great customer service, a happy, hardworking, competent staff, and grow the business. But none of those things are my consuming passion.

I'm afraid I have gotten to the point in my journey where I am hopelessly lost in him. The idea of loving anything more than him, of pursuing anything more than him ... kind of terrifies me. All I have to offer to anyone...is him. Nothing makes sense but his way. I can comprehend other ways, but they seem desperately futile.

If I were to leave him, I would have to relearn how to live. I know nothing outside of him anymore.

I am in him.

Whichever way you're going, you choose it & you work for it, till you are doing it without even trying. Till you're a slave to it.

I am his slave.

And I love it. And he is my consuming passion. Nothing else can ever satisfy me.

And where I used to say that as a desire, I say it now as a reality. Even when I try to find satisfaction elsewhere, I can't.

I think this is something like maturity. I am utterly consumed.

A post on Donald Miller's blog.

2010-05-21T00:04:00.002-05:00

Having Right Theology Does not Mean You Know God.

Update: I left a comment on that post.

I'm tired.

2010-05-18T14:52:00.001-05:00

One more work day to push through.
I'm doing the cafe's finances from last week today.
It was a great week financially.
We needed it.
Praise God.
It's all his.

I want to take more walks in the sun, in green places.
I want to have more fun.

Is this what abiding is?

2010-05-14T00:08:00.001-05:00

This living, breathing organism
That I'm managing
Cafe Aroma
How am I doing this
How am I the leader of this

I'm working really hard
And really well

So much goes on every day
Such diverse things
Such important things
(And such inconsequential things)
And I'm responsible for the running of it
And I'm not really stressed about it
(Anymore
Since I've died to myself in it
My success & failure isn't wrapped up in the cafe's success & failure)
I'm just handling it
Handling all this crazy stuff
Relatively easily

There are always improvements to be made
And improvements are always being made
But progress
Has been nonstop
Since I started managing this

It's just weird for me to
Own
Embrace
Connect
My role
In this living, breathing organism
That I'm managing

Some lines that aren't necessarily directly related.

2010-04-29T23:46:00.002-05:00

Wanted to draw attention to some posts in my blogging community:

"Untitled" by nataliemma

and

"God's Teeter-Totter" by David and Jessica.

I. Love. Community.
(And I say that bearing in mind the pain & ugliness that comes along with it.)

I love being a learner.
But I also have this strong impression that, "the seed I've received I will sow."
Someday.

I want to walk humbly.

I've recently gone a step further into losing my life to find it.
I've died to some major things in my life.
And oh, it feels good.

Also,
"in quietness & confidence shall be your strength."

That was the typical verse on those name bookmarks that people buy you from Christian bookstores.
It's almost maddening to wonder how they nailed you.
Like the description of you based on your birth year you find on the placemats at Chinese restaurants.

The dual life.

2010-04-02T00:35:00.000-05:00

Let my arduous efforts be kept in the secret spirit places.

Let the natural then flow. Effortlessly.

A new way of thinking about the Sabbath.

2010-03-29T18:09:00.001-05:00

dormant

"in a condition of biological rest or suspended animation"

That strikes me as really beautiful.

Some lines about how I'm doing right now.

2010-03-25T21:33:00.000-05:00

starting to find some balance

I forgot how much pacing aids my prayers

things got pretty dark last week

but they needed to

keith just walked in

how can one person make me so happy

This Is Much Earlier Than I've Been Getting Up As of Late: A Haiku.

2010-02-19T08:26:00.000-06:00

At the coffee shop

proud that I have gotten here

somehow this morning

I looked.

2010-02-16T19:04:00.002-06:00

I looked at the pictures of aborted babies.

And I read the Margaret Sanger quotes.

Thrift Stores: A Haiku.

2010-02-14T02:38:00.000-06:00

I love how thrift stores

invoke a feeling of wealth

endless riches yours

He has reconciled you.

2010-01-31T00:56:00.001-06:00

I've had a good sabbath day. A nice mix of rest, ministry, & a little homemaking.

I was just reading the chunk of Colossians that we'll be covering tomorrow at church.

And being moved by it.

you were at one time strangers and enemies

in your minds

as expressed

throughyour evil deeds

but now

but now

he has reconciled you

he

has reconciled

you

by his physical body through death

to present you

to present you

holy,

without blemish,

and blameless

before him

holy,

without blemish,

and blameless

before him

– if indeed you remain in the faith,

established

and firm,

without shifting

from the hope

the hope

of the gospel that you heard.

Simple things; so much power.

2010-01-05T22:31:00.002-06:00

Man, let me just say that when I am either (a) tired or (b) dehydrated,
my whole world looks different.

And I think the enemy takes advantage of it.

The cafe's closed this week, but I have a super long list to-do list for myself for the cafe. I really like working from home. I get a lot done. And it feels good to be in my home. I ate all three meals at home today. Pretty sure that's the first time that's happened....at least since we moved here. It makes me think that I could keep managing the cafe if I had a baby. I wouldn't want to work regular shifts at the cafe behind the counter, but really think I could still manage. At least for a while. But who knows what the future holds.

Two things that are definitely in my future are enough sleep & water.

This onething I'm at.

2009-12-30T02:36:00.000-06:00

I'm in Kansas City at onething, the International House of Prayer's biggest annual conference, and I'm having a marvelous time.

He is here.

2009-12-25T21:51:00.000-06:00

A thrill of hope

A weary world rejoices

Oh, How He Loves Us.

2009-12-22T11:37:00.002-06:00

"All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory."

Wordle.net

2009-12-21T22:10:00.000-06:00

We're hanging out at Nick & Rachels. Tonight Rach's sister Bekah got into town for Christmas so we got to meet her for the first time. She's a school teacher. She just introduced us to this website, Wordle.net. You can give it any text from a document or even just a website address and it creates a collage with the words it contains. The more frequently the word is used, the more prominent it appears in the collage. I just typed in my blog address, and this is what it gave me:

The word want is huge. Hm. Interesting.

Recording while recording.

2009-12-16T21:28:00.001-06:00

Recording worship songs at Matt's tonight. I like singing music to God. I've always felt like Keith and I weren't the most talented musicians, but what we lack in talent we make up for in passion. I just love it. I just love God. And it's such a gift to get to commune with him through creative acts.

I love doing creative stuff more than practical-daily-grind stuff. Hm. Balance.

My mom sang a lot around the house when I was growing up & I am so glad she did. It just seemed normal at the time, but now I realize that it wasn't. Not everybody's mom sang around the house. It was a gift.

One of the plethora of songs she sang was Carly Simon's You're So Vain. "You probably think this song is about you, don't you? Don't you?" I'm glad to know that song.

Another prayer.

2009-11-01T14:57:00.006-06:00

Father. Sigh. I need you. I need you to transform me. Help me humble myself. Help me.
Cleanse me!
I want to be faithful. I want to humble myself & discipline my flesh. I want to discipline myself to pray. I want to walk in the power of the spirit. I want to walk in the power of the spirit.
I want to find my rest in you. I want to rest in you.
I want to meditate on your word. Meditate on it. I want it to flow out of me.

New computer.

2009-10-31T17:19:00.003-05:00

I got a new hp mini netbook, and I'm catching up in the online world. And it's really making some of my tasks at work easier. I'm thankful for it.

So, I should be around here a little more often now. Maybe.

A good word.

2009-08-14T21:05:00.000-05:00

1 Corinthians 4:3-5 (New Living Translation)

³ As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don’t even trust my own judgment on this point. ⁴ My conscience is clear, but that doesn’t prove I’m right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide.
⁵ So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due.

A prayer. Why not share.

2009-07-25T22:16:00.001-05:00

Oh, Sabbath. Lord, don’t let me forget the Sabbath. “Remember the Sabbath.” Great Command. Thank you for that. I receive it.

God, help me to love. Help me to let love cover a multitude of sins. Give me wisdom. Help me to be as honest as I know how to be; to not manipulate situations or people. Help me to know when to ask people for things and when to ask you for things.

Help me to learn to trust you. Help me to learn to trust you. Everything is yours. Everything comes from you anyway.

Go Ahead, Drink Coffee | LIVESTRONG.COM

2009-07-07T11:55:00.001-05:00

Go Ahead, Drink Coffee. There has never been good evidence for telling patients not to drink coffee. In fact, theres a ton of research showing that coffee is good for you. In one study of coffee co...

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Life right now.

2009-06-13T23:53:00.001-05:00

Managing the cafe has been awesome. I really love it. I feel like so many of my skills & gifts are able to be utilized in this job. REALLY utilized--from waking to sleeping some days.

The cafe is such a ministry. I'm blown away on a consistent basis by the way God uses that place in the doing of his will and the coming of his kingdom.

We decided a few weeks ago that our summer hours would be 11a-11p, Monday through Friday. Having the weekends off has been wonderful. Today Keith and I actually took a Shabbat together. He packed up a Super Sandwich picnic for us and we took it over to Everly Park, which we now live across the street from. We had lunch and played a round of frisbee golf which I found to be, surprisingly, tons of fun. It was so refreshing being out among the trees & animals & birds, amazed at how creation tells stories of God. We just got to hang out with each other a lot today, and just be married. I'm so infatuated with Keith.

Keith and I are both obsessed with a song on the new mewithoutYou album called "The King Beetle On A Coconut Estate". Profound & seriously beautiful. If you haven't checked out that album yet, I highly recommend it.

Right now we're both sitting in our new apartment in quietness. Keith is working on his sermon for tomorrow. This is just so...nice.

So, to keep everyone in the loop, Keith is now the worship & youth leader at the Vineyard, and he's going to be preaching some Sundays. We live in the apartment building behind the church/cafe. It's going to be a year of diving into these areas of ministry we've always had a passion & a vision for: youth, music, teaching (Keith), and coffeehouse (Lindsay).

Our Five Year Bash has been moved to July 18th and it will be at my parents' in Bushnell. You're invited.

When I am.

2009-04-21T23:58:00.001-05:00

Hold Me Near

Karla Adolphe

Verse:

Hold me near when I am restless

Hold me near when I am bitter

Hold me near when I'm rebellious

Hold me near until the end

Verse:

Hold me near when my heart is broken

Hold me near when I'm ignorant

Hold me near when I am jealous

Hold me near until the end

Ref:

But as for me my feet almost gave out I nearly sold my heart

It's good to be held by my Father it's good to be where you are

Tonight we hosted a show.

2009-03-31T01:55:00.000-05:00

We hosted a really great acoustic show tonight at Aroma. Andy Zipf, Damion Suomi, and Ben Harris. Andy & Damion are on a national tour, and it was such a treat to have them make a stop here. The place was packed, thanks in large part to Ben bringing a crowd with him. Ben is our friend; a local worship leader. He performed his own originals and a few covers. Andy & Damion each had their own brand of really quality, passionate, indie folk. Damion had a girl, Shivawn, playing fiddle with him: awesome.

I was nervous because it was my first time hosting musicians of that caliber who are on tour. Everything went amazingly, though. It was a beautiful night. It was a beautiful conversation--the night at large was this beautiful conversation about love & God & the meaning of life. You know what I mean?

BFF Planning Committee.

2009-03-23T00:33:00.002-05:00

We're having another BFF weekend, this one at Christin's in Peoria. We just had a big planning session for Keith's & my FIVE YEAR BASH this summer.
July 10th weekend.
Get ready.

Pathways to the Sabbath.

2009-02-16T22:31:00.003-06:00

I'm sharing an excerpt from an email to Natalie. It's making reference to a wonderful sermon series from The Journey called Rhythms.

So today I had the special treat of Keith getting to join me for a sabbath, because the school has today off for Presidents Day, I think it is. So I had him listen to the first two of the series with me, so he could catch up. And I really appreciated hearing them again.

Right now, the pathways stuff is on my mind. What are your pathways? I was thinking about how the pathways fit into the sabbath; how the sabbath is a prime opportunity to pursue God via your pathway. My pathways I think are the contemplative, worship, and some naturalist.

But I definitely feel very alive and close to God while homemaking. Making a home. Creating a home. That's literally what is feels like to me--creative. Creating a sanctuary, bringing order, bringing beauty, bringing warmth & safety.

So back to how pathways fit into sabbath. Since I started getting really intentional about taking sabbaths it's been this journey of finding out what the sabbath means for me. If the sabbath was created for me, how can it best serve me? Anyway, I always felt like I should avoid housework on the sabbath, because it was work. And in all the sabbath stuff I've been studying, you hear about how women need a break from that stuff.

But for me in my life right now, I've been putting in tons of time at the cafe and totally neglecting our home. It's been a mess. And it bothers me because I want a home of peace & order. So, the one day that I'm home (sabbath) I feel like I should try to not do it, even if I really want to.

But I think I'm seeing that housework is a pathway for me. It brings me a lot of joy & satisfaction. Like I said, it's creative for me. And you know what? Just like Darrin was saying, that pathway leads into the others. Once my kitchen is clean I just want to sit at my beautiful clean table and read & write & look out the window! Once the floor is clear I want to put on worship music & dance around & sing or bow down on the floor. And I want to have people over to fellowship! Isn't that cool!?

So right now I think I'm deciding that housework is not off limits to me on my Mondays. Not that I should spend my whole day doing housework, but taking some time to clean things up will really edify me & my sabbath. It's totally a pathway to God. I'm really excited about this!

Oh my goodness, what beautiful music.

2009-01-13T09:58:00.000-06:00

I just found my new favorite album:
Chair & Microphone, Vol. 3 by Enter the Worship Circle.

Oh.
My.
Goodness.
I am so moved.
This is profound worship.

Who is Karla Adolphe? I'm so thankful for her gift of these songs.

New blog recommendations.

2008-11-18T21:03:00.004-06:00

Hey friends,

I wanted to recommend a couple of new blogs on the market:

ruminations

love letters

Instead of describing them here, I will let you go & see...

Enjoy!

Kansas City weekend.

2008-11-18T17:43:00.004-06:00

Some of my BFFs and I had a wonderful weekend in Kansas City. We went out to visit Jensie, and to meet her new little baby Marlo. We also got the added bonus of meeting Natalie's boyfriend, Dave, and Meredith's friend Michelle. There were actually quite a few first time meetings throughout the weekend & I am praising God for all these connections among great people.

A good day in Chicago.

2008-11-11T20:44:00.001-06:00

A good day in Chicago yesterday:

Hung out with Lois; always edifying conversations.
Met up with my big brother @ L'Appetito, just a few blocks east of the agency. He was feeling a little sick, but it was great to see him.
A casting for a German sportswear catalog. I haven't been into Elite in a while, so it was really good to see some of the other models & agents.
Lois & I went up to Wicker Park to see Stacy, the girl I worked with at the Bridal show. We walked Stacy to work, then stopped by Cafe de Luca for soup & coffee.
Fun time on Amtrak hanging out with the crew in the Cafe Car.
A happy birthday phone talk with my big sister.

L.xo

Running Cafe Aroma.

2008-11-06T09:38:00.002-06:00

Hey friends,

Cafe Aroma, where I'm working, is run by The Vineyard church, and the pastor right now is kind of the general manager. However, he has a lot going on, and he has started talking to me about taking on more of the manager role, so he wouldn't have to be concerned with the day-to-day business of it. I told him that I couldn't do it without Cathy, the amazing woman I work with (we complement each other well & make a great team), so plans are now brewing (pun intended) for Cathy & I to try our hand at running the cafe next semester.

L. xo

P.S. Brandon, thank you for your letter in the mail. I really liked it, and it helped me think through some of my blogging issues. I love old-fashioned mail.

News.

2008-11-02T18:35:00.003-06:00

Hello friends,

You are my audience. My friends & family who want to know what is going on with me. And please, if you read what I write, and are glad to have read it, leave me comments. I think when this becomes what feels like a one-sided conversation it's discouraging. Thanks!

Some news items:

We moved to a new apartment through Keith's resident manager job, and it is wonderful. It's a two-bedroom that's over twice the size of our place at Lamoine Village. It really feels like I am a woman with a home. We are still just praising God for it. He taught us so much about contentment in our last two tiny places, and we are so thankful for that. Now it feels like our territory has been expanded.
Keith is the new worship leader at the Vineyard church here in Macomb. They lost their former worship leader a few months ago, so one Sunday Keith and I guest-led worship there. To make a long story short, they loved us & created a paid position for Keith as the Sunday morning worship leader. It was hard to leave the Crossing, but the guys there commissioned us with all the best wishes; praise God.
We first got to know the folks at the Vineyard when I started working at Cafe Aroma a few months ago. I was in the market for a local coffeehouse job and some good friends of mine had worked there in the past. So when they needed some help, I volunteered & it was a great fit. Cafe Aroma is run by the Vineyard church. I've had a vision for coffeehouse ministry for probably close to ten years, so this was a neat opportunity for me. Right now I'm working Tuesday through Friday 11a to 2p, and we often play music there on Friday nights for Open Mic. So come by & visit sometime.
Speaking of Cafe Aroma, Nate & Mere's band Leaving the Boats came & played an amazing show there on October 24th.
I was in this movie with Shia LaBeouf.
I got myself a new Moleskine journal & I love it.

Love,
L. xo

Dictionary.com Word of the Day: Limn.

2008-10-25T00:31:00.001-05:00

limn \LIM\, transitive verb:
1. To depict by drawing or painting.
2. To portray in words; to describe.

Oh, yes, I write, as I limn the familiar perfections of his profile, "you look very well."
-- Kimberly Elkins, "What Is Visible", The Atlantic, March 2003

In telling these people's stories Mr. Butler draws upon the same gifts of empathy and insight, the same ability to limn an entire life in a couple of pages.
-- Michiko Kakutani, "Earthlings May Endanger Your Peaceful Rationality", New York Times, March 10, 2000

But used faithfully and correctly, language can "limn the actual, imagined and possible lives of its speakers, readers, writers."
-- John Darnton, "In Sweden, Proof of The Power Of Words", New York Times, December 8, 1993

What a wonderful word. To limn people, things, ideas is what I have such strong urges to do. Oh, Lord, show me how.

A new little miracle.

2008-10-21T18:04:00.003-05:00

Welcome to the world, Marlo Valentine!

Congratulations, Jensie & Andy!

Could this beautiful little baby be real??

Planning my trip to KC...

The blogging cycle.

2008-10-17T22:46:00.000-05:00

I've been going through my cyclical blogging identity crisis where I question the purpose & audience of my blog. But I'm working through it.

If you read my blog & enjoy it & would like to see me write more, would you leave a comment? Let me know what kinds of things you like to read about from me.

Thanks, friends!

I heart my poloroids.

2008-10-14T22:51:00.004-05:00

I've had this vision for my blog title image for a few months, and have finally realized it.

What do you think?

I'm in!

2008-09-29T13:48:00.003-05:00

I made the cut: I am in Eagle Eye!

I'm now on imdb.com, and someone mentioned me in a review.

It's been so exciting and strange...

Fike & Dana.

2008-09-05T11:31:00.008-05:00

My latest aid in worship & source of edification: Fike & Dana. A beautiful couple ministering to their local church in Colorado & beyond. Their music worships & glorifies GOD in joy & suffering.

“In & Out of Season” was a bridge album between the happy-go-lucky praise-a-thon’s that permeate East Texas and the much more melancholy, pain-ridden honesty that the Fike’s encountered in Colorado. There were two parallel truths that ‘Seasons’ attempted to communicate, not so much as adversaries, but as companions… “Life is hard” & “God is good”.

“The Morning is Come” was another bridge album. It’s goal was to align another set of seemingly opposed ideas… “Sin is real” & “God has healed”. So often, post-modern Christians live a life resigned to the certainty of sin, but not so much to the certainty of God’s presence in their lives. “The Morning is Come” was Fike & Dana’s attempt to communicate the idea that God has given us all we need to live our lives in the palm of God’s hand. -fikeanddana.com

Thanks for introducing me, Lois!

Watch this short film!

2008-08-28T21:43:00.008-05:00

A trailer:

"The Story of Stuff is a 20-minute, fast-paced, fact-filled look at the underside of our production and consumption patterns, with a special focus on the United States. All the stuff in our lives, beginning from the extraction of the resources to make it, through its production, sale, use and disposal, affects communities at home and abroad, yet most of this is hidden from view. The Story of Stuff exposes the connections between a huge number of environmental and social issues and calls for all of us to create a more sustainable and just world. It'll teach you something. It'll make you laugh, and it just may change the way you look at all the stuff in your life forever." -storyofstuff.com

Watch the whole thing at www.storyofstuff.com.

Proverbs 13:3.

2008-07-13T13:41:00.003-05:00

In my arts & crafts I've noticed a theme of redemption. I like using found materials that would either be thrown away or used for evil or unused or common and turning them into something beautiful; valuable; meaningful.This (above) is torn from an ad on the back cover of a fashion magazine that a friend gave me. The brown paper is from a paper grocery bag, the typewriter is from my mother & father-in-law's basement, and the staples are simply staples. No new materials were used for its creation.I saw the birdcage veil over the model's face, over her mouth, and it reminded me of the idea of guarding my mouth, as the proverb talks about. The veil is like the guard: whatever passes through it must be closely watched. The mouth isn't hidden, or sealed shut; it is also not opened wide. It is delicately & gracefully guarded. With this our life is preserved, the proverb says.

My favorite event of the year.

2008-06-29T21:56:00.000-05:00

Cornerstone Festival, here we come.

The theatrical trailer!

2008-06-27T11:08:00.004-05:00

Ok, the second scene in this trailer is just a flash of "Jerry" (Shia) on the El--he is sketching my picture in that shot. He's standing, looking down at something he's doing (below the frame) and smiling a little. I got to know my scene very well over the two days I shot it, and I know for certain that this is it.

This doesn't guarantee anything about whether my scene will make it into the final cut of the movie, but how exciting to see a second of it in this trailer!

Finally, the teaser trailer!

2008-05-26T23:13:00.001-05:00

The first shots of Shia on the El were filmed directly after my scene with him on the El. I was still there, hanging out with the crew & watching the filming.

Nashvisual art.

2008-05-23T10:53:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Keith & I got to explore the local art scene a little. I've been using the local paper (the actual paper kind!) to guide all of my local explorations. At the Estel Gallery downtown we saw an amazing exhibit by Pamela Sukhum. What caught my attention in the paper was "The Beautiful Project" involving art by refugee children in Chad. I wasn't even expecting to see her own incredible oil/acrylic paintings. Both her work & the children's work were equally moving & inspiring.

After stopping in for a treat at a wonderful little European-style patisserie we went to The Arts Company and enjoyed a number of exhibits, my favorite of which involved Polaroid photos that had been distorted during the developing process.

More in Music City.

2008-05-22T16:29:00.004-05:00

Last night at the legendary Exit/In we saw Merced and Homer Hiccolm & the Rocketboys. Sadly, we narrowly missed Deas Vail due to dinner with the 'rents & Kevin downtown at Big River Grille & Brewing Works.

Deas Vail and Homer Hiccolm & the Rocketboys will both be at Cornerstone!

I really enjoyed Homer. Beautiful, passionate art.

In Nashville again.

2008-05-20T23:02:00.003-05:00

Tonight we went to the Grand Ole Opry. My favorite was Cherryholmes. I'm realizing how much I like bluegrass, and I'm fascinated with bands that are families.

Polaroid instant camera status: Secured.

2008-05-06T16:27:00.012-05:00

Thanks, Camera Land (our local camera shop on the Square), for having one used Polaroid camera in stock, waiting to be taken home by me. Now I just have to buy film (Camera Land did not carry any instant film). And as far as the rumors go about Poloaroid soon ending production of their instant film, it appears to be true. However, as the man at Camera Land told me, and as I have verified, Fujifilm continues to produce it. ::relief::

I want to use Polaroid photos in my arts & crafts; we will wait to see the fruition of that.

Along the same lines, to my great joy, Countywide Office Supply (where I purchased my label maker) had my typewriter ribbons in stock. I was definitely expecting to need to order it. Local businesses are magical places.

Since procuring the typewriter in January (from my mother & father-in-law's basement) it has opened a new door in my creative expression. There is something about writing in physical reality on paper, at the speed of typing, and with the clarity and uniformity of typed text. The look of typewriter text is classic and evocative and tangible. I have been taking pages of beautiful catalogs or drawings and typing scripture or poems or other text on them (example to the right). I've written cards & letters with it, and I find the typewriter the easiest way to do creative writing or to journal. I love it.

Speaking of arts & crafts, I'm going to take another art class at Western this fall. I'm definitely ready to return to that.

Update:
Film secured. Walgreen's is still carrying the Polaroid instant film; who knows for how long? Hopefully when it's no longer produced they (or someone) will carry the Fujifilm instant film. And wow: expensive. Each picture is to be used wisely.

I carefully chose my first shot: the view out our front door. Isn't it beautiful? I can't believe the beauty of nature we get to live in here in humble university housing. Our outside surroundings definitely make up for the couple of flaws inside the apartment.

Eagle Eye.

2008-05-02T16:41:00.005-05:00

Still trying to convince myself that I really had a speaking role in a scene of this movie.

Learning about words.

2008-05-01T16:08:00.000-05:00

When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense,
but a man of understanding remains silent.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,
but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Prv. 10:19; 11:12-13; Jas. 1:19

Wanted: Polaroid Instant Camera.

2008-04-29T17:50:00.000-05:00

I'm on a quest for a Polaroid Instant Camera. If you happen to have one that you do not use, I would love to take it off your hands!

Because there are not enough sweater vests in music videos.

2008-04-27T15:23:00.000-05:00

In February three of my best friends and I spent a weekend together in Chicago. Whilst perusing secondhand shops on Belmont Avenue we happened upon a rack of sweater vests at Ragstock. Taken by the rack's wry charm, we resolved to each get one to commemorate our weekend together. Unaware of the irresistible creative powers these small vests held, we tried them on that evening...

Comments welcomed.

Arts & crafts.

2008-04-21T18:19:00.000-05:00

My label maker came in today. I ordered a manual, old-fashioned label maker through Countywide Office Supply on the Square. I've wanted one for months to use in my art & crafts. I like trying to find things secondhand first, just to avoid the unnecessary use of new resources. I bid on a couple label makers on Ebay, asked for one on Freecycle, and browsed the local thrift store multiple times, all to no avail. So, my next choice, after secondhand, is to support local business. Countywide didn't have any in stock, but they were happy to order it for me.

On the same trip to go pick it up, I got Keith a little memo pad that he had mentioned wanting to get. When I got home I promptly opened my new label maker & decorated the new memo pad.

My next order of business was to add the text to this drawing I had made of Keith.

I've found these two wood art gems at thrift stores. The one to the left has the definition of faith and has been a huge encouragement to me as I wait in faith.

I like the counsel in this one on the right to be still & listen.

Comments welcomed.

2007-12-01T11:25:00.001-06:00

please

pray for my family.

I love learning new words!

2007-11-27T11:54:00.000-06:00

After this post on the UO blog, I had to look up the meaning of esoteric. I'm so glad I did. I was familiar with the word, but not its definition. I feel like it would be a very useful adjective to have on hand:

es·o·ter·ic (ěs'ə-těr'ĭk) Pronunciation Key
adj.
Intended for or understood by only a particular group: an esoteric cult. See Synonyms at mysterious.
Of or relating to that which is known by a restricted number of people.
Confined to a small group: esoteric interests.
Not publicly disclosed; confidential.

Confined to a small group: esoteric interests.
Not publicly disclosed; confidential.

[Greek esōterikos, from esōterō, comparative of esō, within; see en in Indo-European roots.]

es'o·ter'i·cal·ly adv.

Feel free to practice using it in a sentence right here.

The Office is Closed.

2007-11-26T22:25:00.001-06:00

Perspective from the writers on strike.

"And be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

2007-11-22T14:46:00.000-06:00

Fun in the South.

2007-11-20T22:54:00.000-06:00

Went to the show at the coffeehouse last night. This girl and this guy played together and they were absolutely great. So enjoyable. I ended up going by myself. The 'rents & grandpa stayed home, Kev & Keith dropped me off and went to do active-competitive-man things. I just sat in an arm chair, sipped my cinnamon spice tea and soaked it up. Perfect.

Tonight we all went to see the Rockets in the Radio City Christmas Spectacular at the Opry. I had never seen these famous kick-line tap dancers, and didn't quite know what to expect. But it was good. It exceeded my expectations. Lots of dancing, which I really love to watch. I love dancing. Wish I did it more.

This morning Keith and I went to the local Waffle House for breakfast. We love Waffle Houses. They are a vacation treat for both of us. There's something so charming, even magical about them; so dirty and artery-clogging and so friendly and comforting. Those classic yellow squares with black letters that haven't changed. The tiny interiors: booth or counter? A hard decision. The grits. Where do I eat grits Up North? I don't. The 50-something waitresses with raspy voices and too much makeup who always call you "hon". "More coffee, hon?" Eggs cooked just right. Pecan Waffles.

It almost makes me love America.

We're in Music City; we may as well.

2007-11-19T12:08:00.000-06:00

Going to see if I can convince Keith & his fam to go see some live music at a local cafe tonight.

Also, it turns out that one of my agents lives here in Nashville on the weekends and he sent me a long list of cool stuff to check out here. Very excited about that.

In Nashville.

2007-11-17T21:41:00.000-06:00

We're at Keith's brother's for the week. Keith's parents & grandpa were making the trip, and we decided to ride along. The last time we visited Kev down here was four years ago.

We left our cell phone at the place we had lunch in Indiana.

They have it there, and we'll get it back when we drive back through next Friday.

So in the meantime, we'll be able to check our voicemail, but no texting. A little texting fast for me.

Any Nashville recommendations welcomed.

Rue Royale show.

2007-11-16T10:39:00.000-06:00

We're going to Nashville next week but if we're back in time, we're so there.

So they're still claiming me.

2007-11-16T00:07:00.000-06:00

It was sweet of Elite to mention my recent opportunity on their myspace and in the press/news section of their website.

Disclaimer.

2007-11-14T19:39:00.000-06:00

With all of this excitement, it's good to remember that there's always the possibility of any scene getting cut from a movie. In every film they have to leave out so much good material so it will fit into the time frame that audiences want, and you never know what will make the final cut....

And honestly, I probably will not find out until I go see it in the theater.

Either way, it's amazing that I got to do it and it will be such a good film!

(And if I don't make the final cut, we can always rent the DVD and look for me in the deleted scenes. ;))

Elise's new website is launched!

2007-11-13T11:50:00.000-06:00

Check it!

I had to leave early the day of that shoot (for no good reason, it turned out...long story), but I'm so glad I got to be a part of it! Aren't the dresses and the photography beautiful??

And her Spring 2008 Fashion Preview is this Thursday!

Still trying to decide if this has all really happened to me.

2007-11-11T22:40:00.000-06:00

Today went so well.

So well.

We did more footage of the same scene. So many more angles, including the closeup of me saying my line.

Shia and I chatted a lot more today, sharing more about ourselves, and even our views on God and faith and religion. Very cool conversations--he's open & genuine & contemplative. We're buddies. At least we were today.

The sketch we used in the scene--they let me keep it, and someone had him sign it for me (which I was already considering requesting anyway). He wrote to me: You're awesome! Thanx 4 helping us out! SHIA.

He's so precious. Such a great guy. He's definitely going to have a great career.

And the director, D.J., was so wonderful, too. I got to work with a lot of really cool people. The extra sitting beside me on the train was D.J.'s 12 year-old son, Brandon. Also extremely precious. We're buddies too.

So I'm done shooting. For now. And I absolutely loved it.

Only God knows what the future will hold.

If it's more acting...I would be thrilled.

Today I acted in a feature film.

2007-11-10T19:35:00.001-06:00

Today went so well.

And they want me back tomorrow.

"We're definitely going to want you back tomorrow."

That wasn't planned. They want me back tomorrow.

So, in the scene: Shia's sketching the picture of me as we exchange a series of (flirtatious) glances, and then after a while I'm the one who gets off the train, not him. So I'm leaving the train, he hands the sketch to me, I look at it and say "What about the rest of me?", he says "Next time.", I get off the train, give him one last look & smile, and cut.

And partway through shooting, Shia writes his character's name and a phone number on the sketch. So now my character has his character's phone number. And they want me back tomorrow.

Pray for me.

I just want to be faithful with whatever God has for me.

I just want to love him and bring him glory and love people.

I am just in awe of what is going on.

The biggest news of my career.

2007-11-09T13:30:00.000-06:00

I have gotten a one-line role in the feature film Eagle Eye.

!!!!!

I don't know where this came from.

Except God.

The audition was Monday, I got the call saying that I booked it Monday afternoon, the wardrobe fitting was Tuesday, and I'm shooting it tomorrow.

My character is a girl riding on the el train in Chicago. One of the main characters, played by Shia Labeouf, is sketching a picture of me. When he hands me the picture he's drawn, I say "What about the rest of me?" because it's incomplete. I think he has to cut off the drawing because he realizes he's being followed/chased. That's because he's been unjustly framed as a terrorist. The movie is a terrorist thriller. It's being produced by Steven Spielberg. He also wrote the story. The release date is in October 2008.

This is my first acting job ever. And it's a speaking part in a feature film. And I'm basically playing myself: I am the "girl on train" in real life. (Every time I go to Chicago I spent 7 hours round trip on Amtrak, not to mention taking the El all around Chicago once I'm there.) That's who I am! I do not think I could have dreamed up a more perfect entrance into the acting world. Even if this is the first and last acting job ever: how amazing.

On Tuesday after the wardrobe fitting I had to meet up with the director so that he could take some photos of me to sent to the sketch artists in L.A. for them to get the portrait ready to use in the scene.

Is this seriously happening?

This whole process has felt so spirit-led. This is not about me. I am no one. All the glory is God's. I am his.

Where do I start?

2007-11-07T13:24:00.000-06:00

There has been so much going on inside me and around me over the past few weeks. I don't even know where to begin, and I am not prepared to write it all out now.

Pray for me, please.

More to come.

St. Louis weekend: awesome.

2007-10-15T19:19:00.000-05:00

It was an amazing weekend. It felt a lot like this picture.

Dictionary.com: Word of the Day.

2007-10-11T11:42:00.000-05:00

slake \SLAYK\, transitive verb:
1. To satisfy; to quench; to extinguish; as, to slake thirst.
2. To cause to lessen; to make less active or intense; to moderate; as, slaking his anger.
3. To cause (as lime) to heat and crumble by treatment with water.

intransitive verb:
1. To become slaked; to crumble or disintegrate, as lime.

I like this one. It seems very useful. Can you use it in a sentence?

The environmental impact of eating meat: you may be surprised.

2007-10-10T11:38:00.000-05:00

As I'm usually dancing on the border of vegetarianism (I typically eat meat only rarely), and as the daughter of farmers, I found this article very interesting:

New Study Reopens Debate: Are Omnivores Better for the Environment Than Vegetarians?

The Crossing Macomb.

2007-10-08T12:53:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting in anticipation for The Crossing to finally open here in Macomb. It's a church plant out of Quincy, IL, and they have been working on their Macomb campus for over a year now. They bought the old Thompson Food Basket building at Jackson & Wigwam (see above) and have given it an extreme makeover. Yesterday was their first service.

I am thanking God. It is a new, fresh addition to the body of Christ here. I worshiped uninhibited in spirit and in truth. I was taught the word of God in a powerful, pertinent way. I had communion with my brothers & sisters. The leaders felt genuine. The people were excited. I'm thanking God.

Keith was at a soccer game @ MSU yesterday, and he won't have a Sunday off for another few weeks, but he is so excited to check it out as soon as he can.

My prayer is that this new addition to the Church in Macomb will bring a fresh movement of the Spirit, and that it will not be about The Crossing but the glory of GOD. As we sang in worship there yesterday, "Not to us, but to your name be the glory." The Crossing is new and different and fresh and young for Macomb, but I pray that they will be unified with the rest of the body and that we would all work together for the glory of God.

"Not to us, but to your name be the glory."

Shawn McDonald.

2007-10-06T16:42:00.000-05:00

My latest musical obsession has been Shawn McDonald. Acoustic, worshipful, organic, contemplative, melodic, rhythmic...basically all my favorite things in music. At this point, the album I recommend the most is Live in Seattle.

This guy has a beautiful testimony. Love his heart; love his music.

Day one of three completed.

2007-09-29T19:41:00.001-05:00

It was a long day of hard work (don't laugh, I'm serious) and my feet hurt, but I'm feeling very satisfied and thankful.

I get to stay with my friend Lois, who is also modeling at the Bridal Market, who lives literally a couple of minutes' walk from the Merchandise Mart where the show is. What a huge blessing: the ease & convenience of that is incredible, and Lois and I are having a great time together.

I did my five runway shows today. They went great. It's fun-happy-flirty-smiley runway, which is super-easy. In a show, which lasts about 45 minutes, six of us models rotate through about 15 dresses each (that's almost a hundred dresses in 45 minutes). It's constant, fast-paced walk-change-walk-change. I'm working with a few of the same Maggie Sottero people from last fall, which is cool, and then a lot of new people. Always meeting new people in this business. Lois, Ashley D., and I ended the day with a relaxing visit to Starbucks.

Last night on my Amtrak ride up here, I sat in the cafe car and talked the entire trip to this precious, little, old Japanese lady who was on her first leg of a trip back to Japan for her sister's funeral. Words cannot describe the experience. It was so unique and wonderful. She is a practicing Buddhist, which led to engaging conversations about our faiths and life stories. She shared great wisdom from her life experience. We both had an amazing time listening to each other and both were very fascinated and impressed by each other. She lives in a small town near Macomb (she married a GI during the Vietnam years) and we exchanged contact info in hopes of getting together again.

Bridal Market.

2007-09-28T15:42:00.000-05:00

This weekend (Saturday - Monday): The National Braidal Market in Chicago.

I'll be modeling prom dresses in mini-runway shows for the client Maggie Sottero.

More to come.

Google Reader.

2007-09-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

I've been using & enjoying the new Google Reader for about a week now (see my "I read these" in the sidebar).

I'll let Chris explain it to you in this video (he knows a lot more than me, and he's pretty precious).

I also just discovered the "Next >>" button for your toolbar! This is my favorite thing with Google Reader yet! This button automatically takes you (every time you push it) to the most recent unread post from the blogs you are subscribed to! Then you can easily go to all of the recently updated posts from all your favorite blogs on their actual site (so you can easily leave comments if desired), not just in your Reader. Love it! Install Google Reader and the "Next >>" button on your toolbar today! ;)

Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps.

2007-09-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

I've recently gotten into Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps. Dr. Emmanuel Bronner was a crazy revolutionary/master soap maker/Jewish German. His bio is fascinating.

I didn't know before what soap really even was, and I could not understand how the Dr. Bronner's soaps were made with simply natural oils, so I did a little research. Here, on the website is a great explanation. Honestly, after learning about it, I don't know how soap could get any better than this.

Also, here's a video about their recent effort to get all of the olive oil they use in their soaps from organic & fair trade sources in the Holy Land.

Al Sears Jazz Festival.

2007-09-22T14:25:00.000-05:00

Today: The Al Sears Jazz Festival & the Gazebo Art Festival here in Macomb.

Al Sears was a legendary jazz saxophone musician from Macomb (pictured).

Keith, Ali, my friend Nancy, and I are about to head over to Chandler Park for the festivities now.

Keep in mind this annual Macomb event for future visits!

Hired.

2007-09-21T11:00:00.000-05:00

I was pretty sure that I was supposed to hear back from Il Spazio mid-last-week, so when the week ended and I hadn't heard from them, I completely let it go. My pride was a little hurt, but it was good to work through that with God. I had asked him to have his way in the matter; only he knew what would really be best for me. The series of events around me applying for the job had seemed very spirit-led, but my thoughts are not his thoughts. If I didn't get the job, he was in control of that. So I released the illusion of pride once again, and was submissive and content.

So two days ago, as I was sitting in a Starbucks in Chicago with Ashley D. & Meredith, I got a call from Steve at Il Spazio asking if I was interested in working as a barista at the coffee bar in the restaurant. "Umm...yeah, sure!" We made plans for me to come in and meet him at 10:00 Friday morning.

I just got home from that. Steve gave me a tour of the whole place (it's going to be amazing), we chatted about coffee, espresso machines, farming, employee management, past work...and he told me to consider myself hired.

What a turnaround! I had so let go of that! But I'm so excited about it now. I really do love working in coffee. It's a skill set that I've acquired and I love the whole coffee culture.

So if all goes as hoped, I can work there in the mornings, be at my parents' in the afternoons to spend time with Alison after school, and then still have the evenings free. When I need to go to Chicago on a day I'm scheduled to work I can call around to my coworkers to find someone to cover my shift. I told Steve that that may happen from time to time, and he was fine with it as long as my shift is covered.

So I'm back in the coffee business!

Modeling update: the past three weeks.

2007-09-16T17:58:00.000-05:00

I had been requested for the casting for the first-ever Burberry Prorsum Fashion Show in Millennium Park in Chicago, which would have been quite a show to get--Burberry is one designer that I actually really like. But alas, it was the same day as my dear friend Chad's wedding. Chad & Rachel's wedding was definitely more important than any fashion show! They had a lovely wedding in Greenville and I was so happy to be there for their beautiful day and see Chad's family. Keith had a game in Iowa, so I made the trip by myself. I also got to hang out afterwards with my old friend from Bushnell, Lisa, who is a student at Greenville. She gave me a campus tour. Thanks, Jill Hartman on Facebook for the photo. I had forgotten my camera.

Last week (3rd-9th) I had two print castings: Tuesday for Office Max and Wednesday for a medical uniform catalog. Also on Wednesday was small group with the other Christian girls with Elite. On Tuesday I had super-encouraging times with my friend Alli from Moody before the casting, and my friend Mireille from Elite afterwards. Then on Wednesday after the small group, I had coffee with Elise & Meredith, and that's when Elise gave me my silk wrap dress (for doing the print job for her)! Here is the dress (this isn't me modeling in these pictures). It can be worn endless ways! Mine is this beautiful blue-green color that is not shown.

On Wednesday after my casting I stopped in at the agency to drop something off, and my runway booker, Alyssa, had this list of things for me to do for the next two weeks. She hadn't heard anything from the print division about my new plan. *sigh* Communication.

So I was back up Friday for a runway casting. Also on Friday I got a bang-trim, and got tea with Lois, a newer friend of mine at Elite who's part of our small group. I'm amazed at how God has richly blessed me with friends who love him.

So, this past week I had to do the two jobs that Alyssa had booked me for, but I skipped the other casting because it was for a job that would not pay enough. The jobs she had booked for me were Monday and Saturday, and basically the same job both days. It was a show & "informal" at Saks Fifth Avenue on Michigan Ave. for their "Want it!" fall campaign, showcasing "fall's most coveted trends". Each floor at Saks had four models showcasing a new trend. The audience moved from floor to floor with a woman named Nena from Saks who explained the trends. I was on the second floor and we were "the cropped jacket". I wore a Zac Posen skirt/jacket/blouse combo in olive green (second from right in the picture below). On Monday we had two of these shows, and then yesterday there was one.
The rest of the time we did informal. Here is a modeling lesson: An "informal" is a job where you walk around a department store in designer clothing (essentially, living, walking, talking mannequins) often holding a small sign displaying the designer's name whose clothing you are wearing (example, right). You usually spend about 30 minutes walking around per outfit. Thanks to Meredith for taking this photo and the one before.

The last outfit I wore for the informal yesterday was this breathtaking dress (left) by Alexander McQueen. I loved it. It was so well-made, and beautiful, and it was my color. I seriously felt ready to walk down the red carpet. Thanks Elena (model to the right of me in the two previous photos) for taking this one in the dressing room with her iPhone.

Nena at Saks wanted all the models to have tons of makeup on-- "smokey eyes" with false lashes and red lips ("drag queen makeup", my runway booker calls it). I am not a makeup artist. I am not good at applying very heavy makeup. So Meredith was walking with me up to Saks, and she suggested that instead of doing my own makeup in some public restroom (which is pretty much what I always do in Chicago) that I stop and get it done for free at a makeup counter in a department store. GENIUS! I would have been too timid (or scared of being pressured into buying something), but with Mere's encouragement, I went to the MAC counter in Marshall Field's (I'm refraining from calling Field's by its new name) and got it professionally done for free. And Faith, the makeup artist (She was super-cool. She's an artist & works for MAC part-time.), didn't even pressure me to buy anything! MAC was even hosting an event about the smokey eye look that day. Smokey eyes with false lashes & red lips done professionally for free: check. Definitely going to remember that for future jobs I have to do my own makeup for. (And readers, remember the makeup counters in department stores when you want to get your makeup done professionally for free.)

Meredith spent the whole day with me yesterday! When I arrived at Union Station in the morning we met at Corner Bakery for an oatmeal date. Then she hung out with me while I got my makeup done, and watched the show and some of my other informal modeling at Saks. Brandon also met up with us there, because I had texted some Chicago friends about the show. After the job was over, Bran, Mere & I had dinner together at Bella Luna Cafe before I (barely) caught my train back home.

Ending the dualism.

2007-09-12T11:09:00.000-05:00

Friends, thanks for your feedback. What Meredith said-- "I just don't want you to have yet another thing that makes you deal with your whole dual life issue." --really made me reconsider just focusing in on one aspect of my life. Because I really do feel like that's something God is doing in me right now--ending the dualism between my two worlds of Chicago and Macomb. And not "dualism" in some evil sense. Just in the sense that I feel torn between the two worlds. And when I'm trying to play this part of a model, it's hard to feel like myself.

Because, for example, there's a lot in me that hates mainstream fashion...hates heels...hates expensive or uncomfortable clothing...hates promoting myself...how does hating that stuff fit into being a model? I know that a person's external appearance doesn't matter at all. And yet, that's what I'm selling. But somehow, I think those things can fit into being a model...I know that sounds crazy. But I think it just means I am a different kind of model. Like, as Christians, we do what we are good at doing, but we do it in a different way--the way of Jesus. I'm trying to figure out how to bring the gifts & values that I feel like God has given me and cultivated in me into this crazy world of fashion modeling. And in that dark place I can be light. In that tasteless place I can be salt.

And to a certain extent, that's what I've been doing there. But there's so much more that God wants to work out inside of me so that he can impact the darkness around me to a much greater extent.

It's like first I had to figure out how to be a model. Now it's time to figure out how to be a different kind of model.

Getting this all worked out inside of me is hard. But it's good. Lord, have your way.

I couldn't handle it.

2007-09-11T21:22:00.000-05:00

I couldn't handle my own face so intently staring at me whenever I looked at my blog.

So the header picture is gone. For now.

Still going through the blogging identity crisis. Will be resolved soon I hope.

New Heading?

2007-09-10T22:51:00.000-05:00

What do you guys think of the new heading image? Narcissistic? Be honest.

It's an image from Elise's website--she's the super-cool local designer I met through Meredith. I did the print job for her in July. She only has this one picture of me up right now (until she launches her new site!). I really like the whole style of the picture though--hair, makeup, of course wardrobe (her stuff is beautiful), the black & white, etc.

Tell me what you think about my heading. Be honest.

Under construction.

2007-09-09T18:22:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I'm playing around with the layout & look of my blog...

I'm wanting to make it more themed--make my posts more centered around the crazy modeling journey. When I think about writing about life in general, it's really overwhelming, because--like everyone I'm sure--I have so many thoughts about so many different things. I can still write about other things, but the modeling stuff could be the main thread throughout it all.

After all, that's the news that many people really want to hear about anyway. The rest of my life is probably either too boring or too personal.

What do you think?

The new game plan.

2007-08-24T17:35:00.000-05:00

I got a call from Marissa (my main booker @ Elite) this morning. She and Jan (the V.P. @ Elite) had been discussing me and my career, and feel like I have plateaued. They want to take me to the next level. How? Two things: 1) more pictures in my portfolio (that meet their standard), and 2) traveling (which can provide the pictures if you go to an editorial-focused market...like Greece). But, they understand that the lack of money is holding me back right now.

So, this is their plan for me: From now through December, work here at home, and save money as much as possible. They will only call me to come up to Chicago if/when there are higher paying opportunities, so that I can save money on the back and forth travel and be available to keep working here at home. Then travel in January-February to Greece or a similar market, when I'll have enough money saved up to pay for it. I'll get lots of great pictures when I travel, and when I return, my new & improved portfolio will get me more jobs and take me to the next level. That is their plan for me.

I like it.

Only getting called about jobs with higher profit potential sounds GREAT. It's just so much more efficient in terms of the time & money involved in going to Chicago. It's something I've been wanting ask for, but I've held off because I know my place as a newer model (everyone has to work their way up and put in their time). So, it's what I want and it's their idea! Also it just feels good to get their encouragement to stay here and work. I love being in Macomb and investing in my life here.

I'm going to be helping my parents out, but I'm also going to look for another job here in Macomb. There is a new restaurant opening on the Square that has sparked my interest since the sign went up. Even while I was still planning to go to Greece, when I noticed that restaurant coming in, I had thought how nice it sounded to apply for a job there and just BE in Macomb. So, for the next few months...I will have that opportunity.

So, I filled out the application for "Il Spazio" this afternoon! And I just happened to read in the paper yesterday that the woman who was the owner of Bliss (the clothing boutique on the Square), whom I got to know through shopping there, has now sold it and is going to be the general manager at this new place! I guess this is a franchise of a restaurant in Kirksville, Missouri. It looks really cool. Check out the site.

I've been so utterly dependent upon God--just trying to follow the leading of the Spirit and being obedient to him. And each step is put before me at the proper time. God is preparing me and training me right now. For what, only he knows. But I am so sure that I am in training. My obedience & trust is being tested. I want to be faithful. Jesus said that he who is faithful with a little will be trusted with much. Whatever that "much" is--that's what I'm being trained for. I don't know if I've ever been so in tune with the Holy Spirit for a season of time as I have been lately. And I don't say any of this to boast. I'm just feeling such wonder at it all. Like a little child. Actually, I am boasting. In God. What he says is for real. The life of faith is for real.

I'm not going to Greece (unless the Lord wills it).

2007-08-23T14:25:00.001-05:00

Well, friends, as far as I know at this moment, I am not going to Greece this fall.

God has a different plan for these next two months, so it seems.

And I am content with that.

What a time of growth this has been for me. He is shaping me and teaching me in such profound ways.

All the plans were in place with the Greek agency. Elite was planning for me to go. On the surface, the reason that I'm not going is that I cannot afford the plane ticket right now, and I don't think it's wise to borrow money to buy the ticket. And it is very likely that I'll have the chance again in the future to travel for modeling.

God's thoughts are not my thoughts; His ways are not my ways. Only he knows the real reasons for me to stay here for now.

His will be done, not mine. The depth of that statement is utterly mysterious & unsearchable & wonderful.

What freedom there is in it!

I don't know how much to explain here about this change of plans. If you have any questions, post a comment and ask.

My Seventeen is out.

2007-08-17T16:12:00.000-05:00

Weird. I'm in Seventeen Magazine.

The "Hot Hair Ideas" the cover alludes to (on Ashley's shoulder) include one modeled by moi. Maybe I can help you "Find Your Style."

Just like Rufus & Meekus explain in Zoolander, "Models help people. They make them feel good about themselves. They also show them how to dress cool and wear their hair in interesting ways."

So here it is: My service to mankind. Hot Hair Ideas.

Check them out now. On newsstands everywhere.